I have always struggled with meditation. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to successfully meditate and the advice that people give me does not work.
I have ADHD (Inattentive), autism and OCD/CPTSD and I can’t stop the constant stream of thoughts, it’s like my brain has a problem with authority and is like “oh, you don’t want me to think? I’m just gonna think even harder” so folks advice of “just quiet your mind!” does not work at all.
The other advice I was given was “just let your mind wander” and that’s not an option either. If I let my mind wander, it pivots fast to dark, traumatic, intrusive thoughts and/or replaying every cringe and embarrassing moment of my life, so up to this point, all of my attempts to meditate have never worked out.
If there’s anyone with similar issues to mine that has been able to meditate with success, I’d very much appreciate some advice to help me along.
I don’t, music or a hot shower are very relaxing though
You don’t. It’s not for you. You relax your mind by hyper fixation and flow.
OP, listen up, because you’ve got the wrong idea.
The goal of meditation isn’t to have an empty mind. The goal is to be present.
We say “practice mediation” when we allocate time to practice meditation.
So when is it no longer practice? When do we utilise “real” meditation?
Now. When you’re working. When you’re taking a shit. When you’re waiting in line.
The goal is simply to pay closer attention to what your mind is doing in any moment.
Neurodivergence makes for a noisy mind, sure, but barring conditions which dissolve your ability to make observations about your mind in the moment (schizophrenia, disassociation, psychedelics), it doesn’t make meditating “harder”
Thank you, I will try to work on this. My view of meditation was admittedly pretty black and white.
I like to sit under a tree near a creek in the mountains. The sound of the water rushing is really loud from that close; enough to put me into a kind of sensory overload state, but the general peacefulness of the situation makes it one that isnt distressing. The extremely complex path the various eddies and currents in the water help too, I can just stare at and try to follow them if “eyes closed next to the creek” isnt working. To generalize that a bit in case you don’t have access to something like that, what works for me is lightly overstimulating my senses in a controlled and relaxed setting where it isn’t scary that I’m a bit disabled by the overstimulation. That allows me to do meditation that’s a mix of not thinking and thinking about neutral to positive things like fluid dynamics or water tables when I can’t pull off mental silence
So you mean like, surrounding yourself with mild noise? That’s an interesting technique I hadn’t heard of for this use case.
Mild to loud noise, and specifically white noise. The idea is to get something loud enough to drown out other stimuli but consistent enough to eventually mentally tune out. Idk what the professional consensus is on that method as a meditation aid (or if there even is one), but it works for me. I’ve also been able to use loud box fans or atmospheric metal like lantôs or *shels to similar effect
I was harassed and plagued by normie people telling me to “just meditate”. Not possible for me, but that doesn’t stop the “helpful advice” from flowing from them.
I figured it out though. If I completely exhaust myself physically with exercize, my brain takes the same meditation instructions theirs does and can respond as theirs to the meditation. It helped after that.
Thank you for this suggestion, I plan on incorporating a lot more exercise in my schedule once the weather breaks; maybe that will help.
LOL yup that’s me 😆
Meditation isn’t about stopping thoughts but about noticing them. Thinking is not the issue - it’s thinking without knowing that you’re thinking. Beating yourself up for getting distracted is just more thinking without knowing that you’re thinking.
Problem is, I notice my thoughts a bit too much. 😅
I don’t really understand the not knowing that I’m thinking because I’m aware that I’m thinking and it kind of just feeds into itself.
It’s not a problem - that’s literally the practice. You focus on something like your breath, and every time you catch yourself getting lost in thought, you just gently go back to the breath.
The overwhelming majority of people couldn’t stop their thoughts for even 10 seconds if their life depended on it. And they don’t have to. Just notice the thoughts and start again.
You can even meditate on the thought itself - it doesn’t have to be the breath.
My work did a mindfulness monday through lockdown. I joined one, it was typical meditation. It was horribly overwhelming for me, the more I relaxed the more it felt like my insides were screaming at me.
Im on a group therapy session for autism with my health provider currently. They just spoke about meditation the other day. When they said the word I was like ‘oh no’. But when they spoke about it they said meditation doesnt need to be sitting still and aligning your chakras, it can be anything from walking in nature, to biting a pillow (i might be using some creative license on that second example). Its supposed to be an activity that puts you in touch with yourself, you do that any way that works for you.
I have pretty severe adhd (combined type). I use the Headspace app for guided meditations, and my favorite course is “Managing Anxiety.”
Rather than simply accepting the train of crazy thoughts, which is hard, it teaches me to categorize thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations into a few groups.
- Thinking or feeling (physical or emotional). Do this for a while.
- eventually add “pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral”.
- After a good bit of practice, it adds “in a word, name the thought or feeling” and talks you through how to do that healthily.
This categorization is an active step that helps the mind acknowledge a thought or feeling without being sucked into it or identifying with it. I use a similar labeling method when I struggle to stay calm. This idea is to start labeling the individual feelings and bodily signs rather than feeling anxious or excited: thinking or saying to myself “elevated heart rate”, “sweaty palms”, “rapid shallow breathing”. It’s a grounding exercise you can do anytime to check in with your body and add distance to the emotion, rather than attaching your current state to a lizard brain feeling.
The broader goal of meditation isn’t to “be zen”, or without thought, but rather to help you separate your thoughts from your identity. Once you learn to recognize the signs of various feelings through regular practice, noting, and labeling, you may learn to use the tools to help reset a little when you’re NOT meditating.
If you’re like me with a hyper sensory experience (mine is sound), then learning to identify when a sensation is present can also help to ground you.
Anyway, hope that helps. I can answer questions if you have any.
Y’know, I had headspace installed for a while but I never opened it and eventually uninstalled it. I’m gonna give it another try in earnest with your suggestions in mind.
I never really thought of meditation as separating my thoughts from my identity but I know I need to do that ASAP.
Sound is also a hyper sensory thing for me, in some ways good, in other ways bad. I could use some grounding in that too 😆
Thank you for your suggestions and advice!!
Headspace is the best meditation helper I’ve encountered, as it has no supernatural voodoo nor kitschy music.
If you’ve never meditated before, starting with their beginner course and doing one every day is your best bet.
Integrating it into your daily schedule is key. Example: “Oh, I’m getting ready to work, time to do meditation,” or some other time that isn’t the end of the day, and you won’t feel like you have time pressure. Consistency and regular practice are the most helpful.
There was a study that showed smaller, more regular mindful practice was the best result (something like 10 minutes 5 days a week was most effective at improving mood and feeling clearer headed)
Even after thousands of minutes of meditation, I still feel a big difference when I do it regularly vs skipping a week.
The mind is a muscle, and meditation is a form of training. Good luck friend!
Edit: Another app with a different approach worth trying is FitMind. It focused more science backed approaches to meditation and explains some interesting things. Tried the demo but didn’t buy.
As a person who is not diagnosed ADHD or autism (but has traits of both), what’s made sense for me with meditation is that it’s about relaxed attention. Choosing to focus your mind on something specific (for example, the sensations of breathing in and out, or even something simple like counting). Recognize that yes, your mind will wander, and you’ll catch yourself drifting off to think about the show you just watched or the burrito in the fridge or how stupid meditation is… And that’s normal. The practice of meditation is catching that your mind wandering, acknowledging that with kindness and without judgment, and going back to what you were focusing on for your meditation. Don’t be hard on yourself! Every time you catch your mind wandering, you are actually SUCCEEDING (because you recognized it), and are PRACTICING catching your mind wander and practicing getting back on track. :)
For me, that’s what made it work. Focusing on nothing or letting my mind wander just leads to anxiety about doing it wrong and boredom, but gently focusing on something neutral and just practicing catching myself wandering is something I can do.
I focus on trying to describe infinity from as many angles as I can. Gives my brain something to do and it’s a topic I’ll never be able to exhaust. I focus on breathing sometimes, but that only became possible after around two years of doing it “my way.”
I have tried to focus on my breathing and it does help marginally
I’m interested in your technique of describing infinity, what do you mean by “as many angles” as you can?
Like no matter how I try to visualize or comprehend it I can’t, so it’s an endless exercise. Like I’m stuck recently thinking about if I could visualize everything merging together in unity bc it’s really one endless thing beyond description, wouldn’t there still be a perspective beyond that that could see that system as being contained within itself bc it’s a part of itself? What would a single point of awareness that contained everything feel like, all the things and nothing at the same time? Is it even possible to feel nothing if you simultaneously contain all other feelings?
Stuff like that
“Meditation” is a very broad term, and there are many types and approaches. Some of these, such as the admonition to quiet your mind and stop all thoughts, are designed to induce a crisis that leads to an insight.
Tap for spoiler
It is not possible to silence your thoughts, and you will run in circles trying until you throw up your hands in frustration and give up. That acceptance can also come with the realization that you don’t have to pay any more attention to them than to any other sensation you are experienceing - that they are not under your control, and therefore no more “you” than the sounds, sights, tasted, smells, and textures that you experience while meditating.
Meditation is about directing attention, and is called “practice” for a reason. Many people think that each time their mind wanders and they lose track of their meditative focus they have failed, but that is exactly backward. Each time you notice your attention bas wandered and you bring it back to your focus you have succeeded!
These are all great points, I think a lot of my problem was viewing meditation as a black and white thing, or perhaps compartmentalizing it too much. I should definitely reframe my redirections as successes, thank you 😁
Exactly. Realizing that you got lost in thought is the practice.
I can’t meditate in the way that everyone describes. I have a similar combination of brain traits, so I’ll share what helps me. One small caveat, I also have c-ptsd and my experience is that even my choice for meditation analog isn’t going to be helpful until you’re able to use therapeutic skills to protect yourself (like acknowledgment and redirection).
I have been told this counts as a “ritual” which might give you a keyword to find something for yourself that you’d prefer. But what I do is I make tea or coffee in a methodical and intentional way. Everything from choosing my beans, tea or herbal ingredients to the method of brewing gives me a chance to center myself and work out things that may be troubling me. I use a hand grinder and gooseneck kettle to make pour-over coffee. I harvest my own herbs or put together my own blend for tea and use a blooming pot. It’s very sense-driven but routine, which is important for my ADHD and autism to sit happily together for a few minutes.
Some people go for a run and find that meditative, I can see it because I feel similarly when I go for a hike to collect plant specimens. Really, with ADHD you may find that getting your body senses involved (yes even with primary inattentive) helps your brain loosen up and hit that meditative point. I don’t think I’ve ever had a silent brain, and I think that’s a sticking point for a lot of people when it comes to meditation. You can still have the benefits with a loud brain :)
That’s something I had not thought about is using activities to meditate. I figured it was all just sitting as still as possible. But I like riding my bike a lot… I’m gonna try to incorporate that this spring/summer. Thanks for the suggestion!
Long walks helped me a lot when I had bad anxiety. Like, it was two hours for me to really notice a benefit. A side effect is that the overall health and posture improved too.
Meditation is all about the trying. “Sucess” is in the attempt itself.
When your mind wanders, don’t worry that it wandered. It inevitable will. You can’t really stop that. What you can do is notice when it’s happening. Then pay attention to the wandering. Why did that thought pop up? Now that I noticed it where does it go. It’s like watching what the bus driver does instead of just letting the scenery absorb your attention as it passes by. Or it’s like thinking about how a movie was made instead of letting yourself get swept up in the narrative.
Don’t stress meditation. Half the point is to just chill.
ADHD, OCD, and PTSD are among my diagnoses. Also ADHD subscores are super high on inattentiveness 🤟
Guided meditation is pretty important for me. If it’s not guided I find myself trying and trying, but I keep standing up, or my mind wanders and I forget what I was doing. I go lie down again, but before long I find myself following through on some random thought. It’s a dance that rarely works well. Though it can during certain periods. Especially if I have integrated it well into my day - that is, I know when I’m going to meditate and ease off tasks before, and I know what I will do after.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQhYKN2L7oQ
This video, which I found in the meditation community here, is a pretty good example of what works.Just focusing on my breath. Letting thoughts, sensation and all that come and whatever, but keep returning focus to the breath, without trying to change anything and just doing it until the end.
I still have many days where I just can’t get into it, and don’t even manage to stay on the floor for the twenty minutes or whatever time I set. But other times it works great. I consider it a success if I manage to stay on the floor at least the entire time :)
I think if you’ve been in a somewhat meditative state before, it will be easier to understand what it’s about and how to get there.
I personally like to scan through my body too. Just focusing awareness in there, maybe starting with how it touches the ground. Which has a pretty strong relaxing effect.
Last piece of info from my experience that might be worth sharing: I had a great yoga instructor to get started and her guided meditation was on point. She let myself do all the exploring, but supported it. So it’s more like “And when you are ready… ok I see maybe we wait a bit”. Whereas someone I met later wouldn’t notice much what was happening with me and just pushed me through their practice, which is pretty much the same as if I had a recorded meditation running.
Good luck and hope you have some good sessions to enjoy :)
Definitely gonna try these techniques, thank you!
