Your mom shows strong symptoms of internalized abuse. This can indicate a range of possible mental issues. You being on the spectrum can indicate that she is too, which she might need to avoid to foster her “normal” self image. In any case, what she is doing is unbefitting of a parent and if you have any grown up you trust, tell them and consider having them talk sense into her. There are alternatives but they might have severe consequences depending on the country you live in. Its not fair but keeping you safe is important right now since some countries are delving into fascism. Autistic and trans people are in grave danger in these countries. Please accept that you are valid, albeit it being important to keep things under wraps in some cases.

I don’t know what her deal is but she’s being hella toxic. You valid AF I promise!

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Sounds like she is easily manipulated by bad influencers in her life to flip like that, but you know her better of course.

I am just realizing I never told my parents about my diagnoses… Which sucks because it’s too late to tell my mom :(

Seems like her initial reaction is from the gut with love and support.
And then maybe she searches and “researches” the topic and starts spouting bullshit, and doesn’t have the appropriate social filters.

All I really wanted from her was understanding, but she just gave me a lot of self-doubt and sadness instead.

Feel free to call her out on these things. Highlight the instances where she has initially been supportive, and then u-turned into harmful communication.
Ultimately, this is about communicating these scenarios with her. Hopefully she can modify her behaviours.
I know I have changed my behaviour significantly when people have done that with me, and I have noticed the same with my parents when I call them out on things.
It’s just human.

It’s possible that she has undiagnosed conditions.
Might be that you notice some markers of this when talking to her about your concerns.

Or it’s possible that she is researching in the wrong way and in the wrong places (maybe a “mom group” which is actually a toxic environment).
Which will also become apparent when discussing the topic (“you said you thought I might have autism last night, but this morning you said I was lazy. I’m trying to figure this thing out and you have a perspective on my life I don’t. Saying one thing that validates my concerns, then saying a hurtful opposite thing less than 12 hours later both makes me seriously doubt myself and my experiences and makes me feel really unloved and unsupported. Why did you change your tune?” sort of thing).
At which point you have to decide if you:
want to try and correct their news/research sources;
accept that they will prioritise their shitty “research” over their actual experience - basically not rely on them for support and disregard their opinion, but still love them;
or cut them out of your life.

There is also the possibility that she is toxic, but her initial support comes from biological “love and support”.
You don’t owe her anything, and - if through communication about the issue - you figure out she is toxic, then it’s fine to reduce/eliminate your reliance/relationship/contact with her.

Ultimately, her opinion doesn’t matter. She isn’t a psychologist or a medical doctor. If you think something is wrong, you need to talk to people that have studied the subject.
Talk to a professional, and keep going until you feel heard. Don’t give up until you feel heard and understood.

Sounds like your mom can’t accept how she’s missed the chance to be there for you and know you truly and blaming you is her move. Poor move on her, but you, you have joys ahead.

Have you contemplated you current place on the manic pixie -> librarian/art teach -> feral hedge witch evolution? It’s an autyfem classic, come join in

Do you necessarily need your moms support?

No need to stick to toxic family. If it harms your mental health then it probably isn’t a good relationship.

I’m really sorry, friend.

My stepmom suggested I might be autistic and my mom lost her mind. It took me years to arrive at the conclusion you have because there was such a sense of shame around it.

I hope your mom gets her head correct faster this time than when you came out as trans.

Your mom is a shit person and you deserve better

Reading what people write about experiences with their parents and relatives makes me hate families even more.

I can do nothing for your sadness but tell you I would feel the same and it’s shitty that your mom makes you feel that way.

I can tell you that you should never doubt yourself though, especially given you have come to accept those things about yourself and you had the confidence to tell your mom, even though you knew what might happen. You’re awesome for making it this far and no one will ever take that from you. Don’t beat yourself up about the response, you have done everything you could and that is more than enough. You’ve done enough thinking on this anyway, I’m sure.

I’m sure things will turn out fine, though it might take a while. But I want you to know I’m fucking proud of you and that’s all that matters.

<3

Wow what a shitty mom.

Good parents don’t hate their kids over shit they can’t change.

For me, everyone in the family suspected I had autism, went to my mum about it who just shrugged it off. It wasn’t until I had a psychiatric nurse ask me if I was diagnosed. It was the first I heard someone suspect that I had it. I got an assessment (my mum was fine with it as a professional this time expected it) and I’m now diagnosed. But when I was telling people the reaction was basically “yeah, we know”

She’s a dumb cunt move on. You are the only person that cares about making you happy. Everybody else is just trying to turn you into their accessory. Autism or not You’re still a human being these distinctions aren’t really necessary in a world that cares for each other.