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I’ve started crying before because I socialized over my limit and my internal battery goes in the negative. Doesn’t matter how much I love the people I’m with or how much fun I’m having, gotta respect the battery.
Yep. And it is frustratingly hard for people to understand there is a limit.
I mean, I like cake. Love it. Can’t handle eating it all day non stop, though. I don’t “hate” cake when I suddenly need to go have a liedown to not puke from all the cake.
Feeling this! I tell that same fib, “oh, I wouldn’t leave but I really need to get to my dogs or I am going to have a mess to clean up” is a go to for me lol
Why not just tell the truth?
Because usually when I’m hanging out with them, I am genuinely smiling and having a good time. But then when I go home, I have to decompress and exorcise the demons.
The horrified look isn’t because she hates her friends, it’s because she’s exhausted.
Mainly because I found out that people tend to either get extremely offended, sad, or violent when I do that too much so I have people that help me say something that aren’t entirely untrue.
Because extroverts don’t understand the mindsets of introverts and will think you don’t like them or are being rude.
Because that genuinely is what I think, but when I leave I feel tired out of nowhere
because an NT literally cannot handle the truth, i.e the actual, literal truth that you just said. they must dig for an implication or inference.
if you tell them, literally, exactly, “i’m going now because i’m exhausted, talk to you next time” an NT will make an inference, or find a hidden implication, because that’s what NT brains do, that’s how NT brains talk.
the inference here is “oh, they’re exhausted by me, and so they don’t like me?? oh noo :(((” when actually, the truth is literally, exactly what you said.
remember, your literal statement runs counter to 99% of their lived NT to NT social interactions, where their inferences do hold true, and if an NT told an NT that “ok, i’m exhausted, i’m going”, that actually implies they don’t like the other NT. you see what i mean?
these differences in language usage can be explained through the double empathy problem, it’s well worth reading into.
so, the tiresome way to explain the truth, every time, is to explain that a) you have autism, b) you can get tired easily by social situations, and c) that it’s not their fault. the problem with this approach is that a lot of NT interactions are “throwaway” interactions. classic example is two people walking on a sidewalk, and you both have dogs. you may or may not have to stop and talk to this person for a throwaway interaction, that will last 2 to 5 minutes, and you do not have time in this interaction to explain points a, b, and c. so, for their sake and yours, it’s time to mask up! 🥸
this is why you can’t “just tell the truth”.
furthe reading into the double empathy problem: Source 1, Source 2, Source 3
