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Stamets [Mirror]@startrek.website to Memes@lemmy.ml ·
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2 years ago

I've got so much that diarrhea filters into clean drinking water

startrek.website

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I've got so much that diarrhea filters into clean drinking water

startrek.website

Stamets [Mirror]@startrek.website to Memes@lemmy.ml ·
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2 years ago
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  • AllBlue22@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Let me tell you about my American dream. Imagine if you will, every shit you take is a one whiper. Horrid diarrhea, one whiper, constipated shit tail that barely drops, one whiper, even your average everyday shit, a one whiper! Now imagine a welcome to your porcelain throne, a lid raising to greet you, a relaxing night nightlight, a preheated seat and even a pre-cleaning spray to ensure your shit doesn’t stick to the bowl… No more imagining, this is no longer a dream, this is in fact a top of the line Toto bidet brought to you by our friends from Japan. It’s time to invest, you deserve to have your hole automatically cleaned by a gentle heated oscillating spray and then dried with a nice warm blow. Leaving only one whipe for you to finish the drying process and to see for yourself, the magesty of a clean post whipe 3 sheets of toilet paper.

    • Jamie@jamie.moe
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      2 years ago

      This guy shits

      • ekky43@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        2 years ago

        That’s just standard equipment for professional shitposters.

    • the_post_of_tom_joad@sh.itjust.works
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      5 months ago

      deleted by creator

    • BeanCounter@sh.itjust.works
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      2 years ago

      I always think that whoever wrote this have never actually used a bidet. I live in a country where bidet is quite common and I tell you, it needs at least 3 good wipes after use and definitely needs more than 3 sheets. If you hate the feeling of soaking wet underwear or poo water smell in your hand that is.

      • AllBlue22@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        I have two bidets, a Toto and a Brondell. Without the drying feature you would be correct on the the multiple whipes. However, in my experience after the drying function I only need one whipe. That whipe usually consists of three sheets. I also don’t have a very hairy ass, so that could also be a contributing factor to having multiple drying whipes. Regardless, it’s definitely a vast improvement compared to the standard American non bidet process.

        • SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world
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          2 years ago

          I just use your mother’s tongue.

          It’s surprisingly cheap.

          Whipe my ass.

      • isolatedscotch@discuss.tchncs.de
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        2 years ago

        Do you mean the bidets you installato on top of the toilet or the actual proper bidets

        • BeanCounter@sh.itjust.works
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          2 years ago

          In what part of hell is that a thing

          • isolatedscotch@discuss.tchncs.de
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            2 years ago

            an actual standalone bidet

  • Console_Modder@sh.itjust.works
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    2 years ago

    Ass hair is just an invention of Big Paper to force you to buy more toilet paper

    • PlasmaDistortion@lemm.ee
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      2 years ago

      The jokes on them, I bought a bidet instead!

  • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    If you have that much ass hair, does using a bidet technically count as doing laundry? 🤔

    • PeWu@lemmy.ml
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      2 years ago

      Thoughts with the deep

    • garden_boi@feddit.de
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      2 years ago

      Yes, yes it does.

  • Psaldorn@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    That title 🤌

    • saltynuts420@lemm.ee
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      2 years ago

      ☠️

  • JohnDClay@sh.itjust.works
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    2 years ago

    I hear it helps mute farts tough, so think twice before shaving.

    • mycatiskai@lemmy.one
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      2 years ago

      Prickly asshair stubble sounds like a nightmare. No thanks

      • XeroxCool@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        It’s not beard hair so it’s not as stiff. Nothing is as thick as beard hair. Use a clipper with a number 1 guard (1/8"). Less likely to blunt the hair ends, leaves some length to bend, and you won’t clip any skin folds. No ingrown either if that’s an issue.

    • Appoxo@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      2 years ago

      At least your ass doesn’t get as sweaty between the cheeks.
      So chafing is definitely not an issue.

      But to be honest: It looks so unsightly to me. I would prefer having the pre-puberty hair back there instead.

    • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Let me hear…

      Yeah, it does!

    • XeroxCool@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      It only makes a difference if you’re not wearing pants

  • AlligatorBlizzard@sh.itjust.works
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    2 years ago

    Saving for later so I can change “puberty” to “testosterone” and re post in the trans meme communities.

  • MonsiuerPatEBrown@reddthat.com
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    2 years ago

    more of a shitpost than a meme

    • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      deleted by creator

  • FastWarfarin@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    The heading made me laugh so hard

    • Jax@sh.itjust.works
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      2 years ago

      It’s why they stole it straight from Reddit

  • Dasnap@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    You mean free floss?

  • kittenbridgeasteroid@discuss.tchncs.de
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    2 years ago

    LPT: Thongs are the cure for swamp-ass. If you can, get some wool ones.

    • Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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      2 years ago

      Wool thongs? Where? I just bought some… idk Rayon? Tencel?

      • kittenbridgeasteroid@discuss.tchncs.de
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        I had to get them custom made on Etsy. $45ish each, but 100% worth it. I highly advise against most synthetic fabrics, though.

        I have some micromodal ones that are nice, but nothing performs like wool. I’ll take them off at the end of the day and they’ll be wet from sweat, but my skin is dry.

        And that’s saying something, because I have hyperhydrosis.

        • Franzia@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          2 years ago

          Interesting. I already have a love for wool, perhaps I will be following down your same path.

          Also thank you for sharing and then going into detail!

    • Stamets [Mirror]@startrek.websiteOP
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      2 years ago

      Jockstraps too.

      • kittenbridgeasteroid@discuss.tchncs.de
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        Jockstraps don’t go in your butt crack, though. Thongs act like a sweat wick.

        • Stamets [Mirror]@startrek.websiteOP
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          Jockstraps provide the desperate breeze that my rainforest ass needs

  • tym@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    …like peanut butter in the carpet

  • BlanketsWithSmallpox@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Buy a bidet that’s $200 or more. Especially if you’re a functioning alcoholic. It’ll change your drinking shits game.

  • The Giant Korean@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Be sure to shampoo and condition it properly. No one likes a messy ass of hair.

  • CassowaryTom@lemmy.one
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    2 years ago

    I was plenty awkward, but ass hair? At 12?

  • Omgarm@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Keeps your ass warm when streaking after having a few to many drinks!

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