purplexed

“we’re reaching out to you about your cart’s extended warranty…”

Shorts and a t shirt - t shirt has to be long enough to go past my shorts so I don’t get air on my back and crack. I despise pants.

Pam pam param boyos!

(it’s parentheses all the way down)

The crying comment comes off as more of a dick thing to say, but the skill issue bit is pretty funny.

Sounds like success to me. Any engagement is better than none

Real talk here bro, stop worrying about making yourself “perfect” for someone, or rather anyone, else. Stop trying to make yourself what you idolize, or what you perceive to be idolized.

You are you, you are a person. Take care of yourself first. You need to change your mentality and realize that you do have redeeming qualities. You need to focus on those.

Learn to love yourself first, trust me on this one.

I think you were both making jokes

Well I feel attacked and validated all at the same time.

On average, I think it balances out

This, so much this. The eggs need to cook long enough to the bottom of the pan to then release themselves. Cooking temp is super important here.

Do you prefer salt and pepper or a nice marinade?

Can confirm, am that guy.

Now you must learn the Midwest goodbye and make us proud

Yeah that happens to me a fair bit.

The other one I found myself in, is that something they say reminds me of A, and I think it would be funny if B, so I jump to conclusion C, and then try to make a joke about D, completely skipping past and not even mentioning everything that transpired in my head that lead to E.