Some random asshole on the internet had a similar challenge when it came to not generalizing 300,000,000 people and sadly failed their challenge :'(

It’s on his Wikipedia page, this isn’t something you have to try hard to identify.

You posted a thing celebrating a sociopath for using Linux. I think you need meds.

Ghost might be better for you, as it’s aimed to be a more complete distro with an installer and desktop environment.

I mean, you computer’s wifi still won’t work, but at least you’ll have a nice UI to show you all the ways it does not work.