meh

that place looks beautiful and it’s a very long hike back. maybe suggest to your partner that you just live there now.

Think I’ve now recovered from doing a human thing Friday. Friend i only see every few years was in town for a night, so it was a social human thing i actually really enjoyed and made recovery easier. Unfortunately a mutual friend is determined this out of state friend and i get together, and keeps trying to get us to hookup at the bar. While knowing i don’t enjoy drunken hookups AND have stopped drinking entirely since the last time she tried this scheme. So now i get to have the “life isn’t a 90s rom-com” discussion and it’s gonna feel a little like telling a 6yr old santa isn’t real.

the community has learned through multiple rounds of astroturfing attacks to be cautious. this post is formatted like something that gets passed around “autism mom” facebook groups. that shit gets exhausting to filter out.

it’s awful, everything feels wrong. some weeks i shower like 4 times a day just to reset how my skin feels. worst part for me is, gardening has been one of the few activities that keeps my depression in check.

i’d stopped believing i was allowed comfort. the past few years i’ve been fixing that. i own 8 copies of the same pants, shirt, hoodie, etc so everything is a texture and fit im ok with. if i want to sit silently in a room for 4 hours, im doint it and not responding to any questions about it. my social life is down to the few people who are happy with intermittent text based communication. i’ll hang out socially and do the talking out loud thing maybe once every three months. anyone other than my kid who wants more from me better be paying a salary.