Ask the boss if we can draw for Secret Santa early this year and cheat so I get his name.

Congrats on your new cat.

Leopard who eats faces didn’t think the other leopard would eat his face.

You don’t think Dolly loved Porter?

You, sir, do not know Dolly.

When you see them next, immediately greet them in a heavy Brooklyn accent. When they ask you what that’s all about, apologize profuse in a thick Nawleans cajun accent. When this is met with blank stares from your friends, immediately rush into another apology, this time with your best MinneSEWta flavor. After they finally come out of their stunned silence, revert to a generic American accent. They’ll never notice.

I, for one, welcome my new Maple Syrup Overlords, eh.

*his garden