Banana

I wouldn’t, not because you are unsuccessful, but because you hate yourself.

When I met my partner of 10 years, he had no money, i had barely any. We drank king cans by the river and smoked weed for our first date. In fact, I dated so many guys that were hardly conventionally attractive, money or success weren’t things I considered. The only things I considered were how I felt around them. You would be surprised what kind of things women find attractive.

You really are just making huge leaps and assumptions because you don’t want to have to turn your whole world upside down, because that would mean admitting you have been wrong for so long and miserable for no reason. It would mean having to dissect your own ego.

You clearly don’t want to be happy, because if you did, you wouldn’t be arguing against advice you asked for. Women don’t want to date you because you don’t want them to want to date you, because that would mean you’re wrong, so you actively push them away by doing things like this.

Sounds like you want to never have one. That’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have convinced yourself so hard that this is who you are, that you are making that who you are.

If you don’t want to be this person, don’t be that person.

For your own mental health, try to avoid assuming all women feel the same, it dehumanizes them which prevents you from having empathy and thus creating meaningful connections because you are assuming a woman’s feelings before ever knowing her.

A lot of women feel the same way you do, trust me. A lot of women don’t know what they want, or just want something as simple as somebody that they enjoy spending time with. That’s it. Try not to overcomplicate it. Ask them what they want before you sabotage connections.

One: self reflection. Write your thoughts out regularly, reflect on them, this will enable you to self actualize.

Two: learn to enjoy your own company. Go to movies alone if you like, go on trips alone, do things you enjoy alone, and thoroughly enjoy them. Doesn’t matter if it’s a hobby or whatever or if you commit to it or not, the only requirement is that you enjoy it. Put your energy into things that make you happy.

If you’re having trouble finding things you enjoy, I highly suggest therapy, but also exploration. Go out of your comfort zone and try things. But absolutely therapy because it may help you figure some things out that you didn’t know were holding you back.

The more you enjoy your own company, the more confident you become. Confidence helps with your own happiness, it helps you understand what you deserve, it helps you meet people and make friends and build meaningful connections.

And when I say enjoy I mean actually enjoy, not just pretend to. You will know the difference as this is for you and not a performance for others.

Godspeed.

My favourite is when hardcore bands cover pop songs because the songs are often structured the same, so good.

Have you heard her cover of Made Up Mind by the Bros. Landreth? SO fucking good!

Omg it’s like looking in a mirror!

Have and raise children.

They raised me 👉😎👉

Also I’m not having kids.

No, learning to love yourself first is not a prerequisite for finding love or happiness. But it sure makes it a hell of a lot easier to know what’s best for you.

Do consider therapy if you have a way of procuring it, I know it’s expensive, or the next best thing in my opinion is to go and grab a notebook from the dollar store and just start writing your thoughts down. It’s going back and reading those thoughts that really helps with self actualization and reflection, imo.

I wish you luck, OP, you deserve happiness and I believe you can find it, but you have to be patient with yourself and other people. Becoming vulnerable to others, although risky, really helps expedite the process.

Reminds me of a line from Festival Song by Jeff Rosenstock:

“We’re not stupid people, but this financial depression
Has got everyone believing all that we can do is nothing
'Cause we organize through avenues they lace with advertisements
So the ones we try to rage against are still lining their pockets”

Yeah pretty much exactly what I was thinking about. I like being able to curate and have some legitimate control over what I’m seeing

Fair enough, but I’d say the other commenters have articulated what I meant pretty well

Oh wow that’s interesting, I haven’t noticed any myself. I did uncheck bot accounts on the Voyageur app and I don’t know how much that does

Honestly that seems like most of social media at the moment and I know I’ve mentioned the algorithm in every comment I made in this thread, but it really makes it suck.

Because that particular algorithm and its use is very capitalist, its purpose is to drive engagement for money with morality not even being considered, and the best way to do that is to make everyone angry. CGP Grey on YouTube has a good video on it I can link in an edit in a bit, but the gyst of it is that the algorithm shows us what makes us angry, we make other people angry, thus, a neverending cycle of people being addicted to getting pissed off.

Edit: link

This is exactly how I feel

Idk it got worse when all the porn subs started dying

rip

Lemmy absolutely.

• no algorithm
• no ads
• actual real people in the comments
• the ability for third parties to make apps
• the fact that it’s not mainstream means most of the people on here are at least a little nerdy which I am here for.
• feels a lot like what reddit used to be 15 years ago before the age of algorithms and bots everywhere.

I am so angry. I am so sick and tired of just stating my experiences as a woman and having people who are not women straight up tell me that I’m wrong. About my own life experiences. It’s fucking exhausting to be surrounded on all sides by bad faith actors, knowing full well that you won’t get through to them, and feeling defeated, like the world is going backwards and you can feel your rights being torn away from you bit by bit, trying desperately to stand up for yourself and having any words you say fall on deaf ears. I’m so sick of not being listened to. I’m so sick of not being believed. I am so fucking sick of not being respected. I just want to be treated like a human and not be criticised for literally just fucking existing.

I’m so done.