I’ve tried frolicking. All those hairs get stuck in my teeth, though.

Stupid people.

Forward compatibility? I get backward compatibility, but FORWARD compatibility?

That won’t result in certain doom for the video game industry, no sir!

I was too young to fully appreciate the scope of the first death of the video game industry, but if it happens again, I’ll be paying very close attention. People will want a post mortem, and I may as well be the one to document it. (Maybe Microsoft will have to bury the Xbox brand in the same landfill where they uncovered all those E.T. cartridges.)

Hardware wise, that’s been pretty much the case forever (example: Atari 5200 is a consolized Atari 400 computer), but it’s that simplified interface and the instant gratification that makes the distinction between the two. On a game system: insert game. Press start. Play game. On a computer? Tons and tons and tons of loading and file management and updates and passwords and downloads and accepting EULAs and Oh God now it’s crashed and I have to start the damn thing all over again.

Game consoles satisfy that urgent need for “ME GAME NOW.” At least, they used to. In the olden times, you could start a game in the time it takes for you to drop a quarter in the machine and press 1P. Now, it seems like game companies do everything within their power to delay that dopamine fix on consoles… which is uncomfortably close to the gaming experience on computers. “Another cut scene? Gee, great. It’s not like I started this video game to play a video game.”

Vaguely related: why the hell was it so hard for me to start Borderlands 3 on my Xbox? It’s like, dude, I don’t need your annoying third party service. This is still a game system, not a computer, right? Just… just let me press start and start the game without signing up for some other crap.

OH GOD SOMEONE TURNED ON THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL!!!

Is this like the Linux nerds’ version of the Crips and the Bloods?

Life sucks, no doubt, but you’re here and you have to get used to it. The best advice I can provide is slurp up all the good moments you can and savor the taste, so their memories will get you through the hard spots. Repeat until dead.

“If you don’t have these little ‘advertisements’ cleaned up by the time we get back, I’LL come to Quark’s… and believe me, I’ll have FUN.”

Man, now you just trollin’.

I get a laugh out of Sisko doing a silly child’s dance in Lethal Candyland, in that episode of DS9 when they make first contact with a bunch of gambling aliens. “Allamarane! Count to four! Allamarane! Then three more!” It’s those little moments in Star Trek where respected actors humiliate themselves for the sake of the plot that are just so great to watch. See also Armin Shimerman as the silvery announcement box in one of the early TNG episodes.

Good, the kill-billies can take a ride on the electric chair.

Busta WOOF!

Trump’s dead, though, right? Yeah, I can live with that.

Is cyanide an option?

The Klingon in the episode was like, “This is stupid! I’d kill her if she wasn’t already dead!”

And Salome Jens, apparently.

Mission accomplished. Many, many times over.

Pete is supposed to be a cat. Yeah, I was shocked too.

SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE ELON MUSK. END STATEMENT.