“Langer demonstrated this fact by asking a small favor of people waiting in line to use a library copying machine: “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?”

The effectiveness of this request-plus-reason was nearly total: Ninety-four percent of those asked let her skip ahead of them in line.

Compare this success rate to the results when she made the request only: “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine?” Under those circumstances, only 60 percent of those asked complied.

At first glance, it appears that the crucial difference between the two requests was the additional information provided by the words “because I’m in a rush.”

But a third type of request tried by Langer showed that this was not the case. It seems that it was not the whole series of words, but the first one, “because,” that made the difference.

Instead of including a real reason for compliance, Langer’s third type of request used the word “because” and then, adding nothing new, merely restated the obvious: “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make some copies?”

The result was that once again nearly all (93 percent) agreed, even though no real reason, no new information, was added to justify their compliance.”

Excerpt From Influence Robert B. Cialdini, PhD

deleted by creator

Most people have encouraged you to be direct, and they are right in that it will very quickly get you a yes no answer. And also that it’s more effective on men.

But it’s equally true that if someone isn’t expecting that at all, a confession can surprise and stress them, as they struggle to put their feelings towards you together and decide on a future right in that moment.

And that can sometimes lead to rejection when it might not have occurred had the way been paved a bit more gradually.

To get specific, that involves doing things with just the two of you. But it also usually involves doing a shared interest, which you’ve said you don’t have.

So if you’re serious, I would suggest you think about what you know of his interests, and seeing if there’s anything you’d potentially like to know more about/get involved in.

Then say something like “hey I’ve started getting into __ a little bit, and I know you’ve been into that for a while, do you know of any __ happening soon I could go to?”

If he has any interest in you at all and is not completely dense, he will usually mention something, and if he does he’ll possibly invite you. Even if it’s like “don’t know of anything now but that sounds fun”, that is also an invitation for you to look up and propose events.

Once you’re at __ together, as the “expert” in the topic he’ll naturally take on more of the “host” role, which will get him talking. If he stops, unfortunately it is usually the woman that has to “go fishing” for topics, since men are not very good at it. Luckily being at __, which you’re not familiar, with means your questions will be real and natural.

And then there is the simple fact that if a man said “I’m cold” and then leaned against a women, he would be thought as creepy, pushy, or presumptuous, but if a woman does it, it’s sweet and endearing even if the man doesn’t like them romantically, because it shows you feel safe with him.

But sometimes, a man doesn’t know how he feels until he’s forced to notice. That will get him to notice. And then he’ll decide, and since men are not very good about hiding their emotions, as they’ve never been forced to, you’ll almost certainly know his decision by how he behaves toward you after that.

And if you think the answers yes, it’s then when you’d be direct. Of course, if you’ve dropped enough hints, maybe you won’t have to.

So speaking as an American, the Indian diaspora here is typically thought of positively, at least in the sense they tend to be responsible members of the community.

Unfortunately, Americans are pretty geopolitically ignorant, and so end up developing views on countries based on the behavior of their American communities.

So I would say most Americans impression of India is “vaguely positive”. This notably includes at least tacit approval from American conservatives, in that Indians are left off their “which minority group are we targeting today” bingo card.

This is probably mutually reinforcing with America’s geopolitical priorities, which is essentially deepening ties with India as a counterbalance to China.

As to your “too proud of your country” comment, obviously as an American I sympathize, but they’re not wrong in that because of your country’s size and growth, India will become more prominent in global affairs.

Unfortunately as you’ve noticed, that leads to some people having an inflated view of themselves. It’s just something you have to live with as a world power.

Anyway, the below article actually answers your question, and overall, generally positive is the answer (but what did you guys do to South Africa though?)

https://www.pewresearch.org/global/2023/08/29/international-views-of-india-and-modi/

Ultimately the best way to meet people, and especially to grow and maintain those connections, is to have the same hobbies as them.

Do you like sports? Join an adult league.
Do you like reading? Join a book club. Do you like tabletop games? Use Reddit’s r/LFG, or look for a local meetup group, and find some people there.

Ultimately it’s hard to make new friends when you have nothing to tie you to them long term.

People have set routines, and it can be difficult to have them make time for a stranger initially.

But if you join group doing something you enjoy, you already a part of their lives through that. You also have an easy source of conversation, talking about whatever your joint interest is.