Play. Doodle, run, sing, dance, marvel at trees. Climb rooftops and sit in the sun.
Now if you’re numb then that’s something that has lots of possible causes. Depression, emotional processing, exhaustion, overstimulation, trauma-derived survival schemas, ennui, neurological stuff, etc.
If nothing matters to you and you experience little to no joy from anything, that’s called depression and is super common to NDies. Needs professional treatment if it stays for more than a couple of weeks or it might become chronic, contact a doctor
I’m already on meds. I’ve been on meds for decades. DECADES. I’ve been in therapy for decades too I don’t know if this is depression or whatever. I think this is just my personality. I dunno.
If you’re stable on your meds, it’s also to be expected to be a little numb. Most antidepressant treatment tries to dampen highs and lows, you and your medical professionals will know better, but anhedonia is typically an indication the treatment needs adjustment. Good dosage/treatment should let you feel highs, while keeping the lows manageable.
I tried ketamine therapy last year. It helped a lot right until I had to stop, then I went right back to feeling nothing about everything. It actually had this side-effect where I no longer derive any joy from taking other psychedelics recreationally.
I’m trying different anti-depressants now and some of them make it worse, none really make it better. Though my ability to focus on things I have to do but don’t care about has gotten a little better.
I’m also basically just draining what little I had in my bank account doing all this bullshit.
I don’t think I’m autistic. But I’ve been a “nihilist” since before I knew that word or what it meant. The absurdism can be both a blessing and a curse.
I’ve always hoped I got it wrong, and there was something I just wasn’t able to see to derive SOME meaning or joy from existence. Watching the world this past year and just going through my usual work-eat-sleep cycle has put me in the “I guess I’ll just do this until I die” mode.
I have a wife and a sister that would be very upset if I killed myself, and I’m too old now to do something like that anyway. I try to read or play video games in my free time to just turn my brain off. It helps a little. Pets also help.
I’m trying to just be honest, genuine, and kind with other people to ease my self perspective until I finally drop dead. It feels nice to be real with people I don’t know, even if it’s a little off-putting to them. My perspective makes it difficult to connect with others. Being honest with anyone in that regard is a good way to “bum people out.” So having friends is mostly out of the equation. I have a few, but those friendships are definitely on their terms and have little to actually do with me. They enjoy my sincerity and honesty, I enjoy getting out of the house a few times a year.
I like to tell myself “Soon it will be just like it was before you were born. There will be nothing, you will be nothing, and it will mean nothing.” It’s like a little mantra, just to take the sting out of monotony.
Basically I’m just trying to do little things to ease others suffering with existing until I can finally be done with it. Seems to be the closest I can get to “peace.”
I typed this all knowing it would be zero-sum, at best. But it’s my very honest perspective on this exact situation. Maybe something in it will be relatable to someone. Sometimes that feels nice. Otherwise it’s just people typing at one another on the internet. Nothing relating to nobody.
I highly recommend kurtgesagts video on “optimistic nihilism”
The point of life is that there is no point, so you are free to choose what matters for you.
what if nothing matters to someone? what does that person then do?
Play. Doodle, run, sing, dance, marvel at trees. Climb rooftops and sit in the sun.
Now if you’re numb then that’s something that has lots of possible causes. Depression, emotional processing, exhaustion, overstimulation, trauma-derived survival schemas, ennui, neurological stuff, etc.
If nothing matters to you and you experience little to no joy from anything, that’s called depression and is super common to NDies. Needs professional treatment if it stays for more than a couple of weeks or it might become chronic, contact a doctor
I’m already on meds. I’ve been on meds for decades. DECADES. I’ve been in therapy for decades too I don’t know if this is depression or whatever. I think this is just my personality. I dunno.
If you’re stable on your meds, it’s also to be expected to be a little numb. Most antidepressant treatment tries to dampen highs and lows, you and your medical professionals will know better, but anhedonia is typically an indication the treatment needs adjustment. Good dosage/treatment should let you feel highs, while keeping the lows manageable.
Thanks. That’s what I’m experiencing now. I’ll talk to my doctor. I miss the highs.
This is where I’ve been at for… Well… Years.
I tried ketamine therapy last year. It helped a lot right until I had to stop, then I went right back to feeling nothing about everything. It actually had this side-effect where I no longer derive any joy from taking other psychedelics recreationally.
I’m trying different anti-depressants now and some of them make it worse, none really make it better. Though my ability to focus on things I have to do but don’t care about has gotten a little better.
I’m also basically just draining what little I had in my bank account doing all this bullshit.
I don’t think I’m autistic. But I’ve been a “nihilist” since before I knew that word or what it meant. The absurdism can be both a blessing and a curse.
I’ve always hoped I got it wrong, and there was something I just wasn’t able to see to derive SOME meaning or joy from existence. Watching the world this past year and just going through my usual work-eat-sleep cycle has put me in the “I guess I’ll just do this until I die” mode.
I have a wife and a sister that would be very upset if I killed myself, and I’m too old now to do something like that anyway. I try to read or play video games in my free time to just turn my brain off. It helps a little. Pets also help.
I’m trying to just be honest, genuine, and kind with other people to ease my self perspective until I finally drop dead. It feels nice to be real with people I don’t know, even if it’s a little off-putting to them. My perspective makes it difficult to connect with others. Being honest with anyone in that regard is a good way to “bum people out.” So having friends is mostly out of the equation. I have a few, but those friendships are definitely on their terms and have little to actually do with me. They enjoy my sincerity and honesty, I enjoy getting out of the house a few times a year.
I like to tell myself “Soon it will be just like it was before you were born. There will be nothing, you will be nothing, and it will mean nothing.” It’s like a little mantra, just to take the sting out of monotony.
Basically I’m just trying to do little things to ease others suffering with existing until I can finally be done with it. Seems to be the closest I can get to “peace.”
I typed this all knowing it would be zero-sum, at best. But it’s my very honest perspective on this exact situation. Maybe something in it will be relatable to someone. Sometimes that feels nice. Otherwise it’s just people typing at one another on the internet. Nothing relating to nobody.