For a long time I was very nihilistic. I didn’t understand what anything actually was, when you get right down to fundamental truths. I started meditating and slowly have come to appreciate the universal self (non-dual true self). Basically the internal and external aren’t separate, that is to say the universe and myself are actually the same thing, even though there are disassociated relative experiences. The churn of causality is our universal cosmic will and you experiencing the relative pointlessness of it all is something that you should fully cherish while keeping in mind that nothing is permanent. Then again, who’s to say, there are no blueprints.