tomiant

My take on stand up comedy is to sit down and cry.

When people rise up: “How dare you destroy property value!”

Literally pedophiles.

Allegedly.

I chose to be autistic before it was cool.

I remind myself daily that I am doing the absolutely most bare minimum to even survive, and that’s enough.

Buffy the weird ass ghoul tree slayer.

Mongolia was not on my card.

People taking shit too literally is about 70% of humanity’s problems.

Infidel! You made his beard too short!

I don’t want to search this online because that’s less fun than having a conversation.

I love you <3

CRISPR

That’s a bunch of nice pictures of cats. Pictures of cats isn’t evidence. I’m sure you have a lot of cats. You asked for a lot of money. Care to explain what the money is going to do, and what receipts you are going to show for it?

I only speak enough German to know that you are all degenerates.

In case someone feels adventurous, there are acrobatic kites you can buy off Amazon or whatever that cost less than $300, and you can buy battery powered LEDs with wifi control, and you attach the latter to the former and go to the beach near restricted airspace and you can fly them like 1200 feet in the sir at night with those laser LEDs and you can freak out a whole Eastern seaboard and gain national interest at the highest levels, and the sweet part is you bring a bunch of friends and you have a cookout and weed and booze and when the army choppers turn up, you just click the button, LEDs go dark, you cut the string, kick the handle into the sea, and when you get interrogated by a USAF tactical squad all the evidence is gone and you can just eat the rest of the burgers and drink the rest of the beers and smoke the rest of the spliff.

AND PICK UP YOUR TRASH BEFORE YOU LEAVE AND TAKE IT WITH YOU OR PLACE IN DESIGNATED BINS

I had a good relationship with my parents.

When someone threw a fat mom joke at me, I didn’t care, unless it was a good one and landed hard, in which case I congratulated them on a great quip and applauded it.

Just in case anyone didn’t know, the way I didn’t know, do NOT feed cats cheese. 1) they fucking LOVE cheese, and 2) they can’t splice cheese, so they get super fat super quick, and also their poop turns semi liquid and gets stuck to things like that protoplasm goo from Aliens.

Except rub it gently because I require it to function.

Well you seem like a legitimate sponsor then. Is this still about cats or your ego? Post the receipts, or stop asking for handouts.

Oh pictures of a bunch of cats. That proves everything.

Why do you need $100K? What will you do with that money? It says on your page that it’s “potentially” going to be used for some kind of cat sanctuary. What kind of documentation will you provide to show what you do with the money? Do you have actual documents or something you can show that can be verified instead of a bunch of cat videos? I can get a dozen cat videos myself and put them up and write a sob story, people literally do this shit all the time.

Sorry for being suspicious, but no, I’m not. I’ve seen this before. Show all the receipts, be transparent, and I’ll donate myself.

I am not after you, I am after scammers in general, and if you can prove your intentions, then sure we’ll donate. Otherwise, it sounds a lot like a scam.

I am confident that this is how textbook scams work. The mods already replied to this.

I can’t open that link by the way.